'Ndrangheta mafia' made more last year than McDonald's and Deutsche Bank, combined...

Study finds crime network made €53bn (£44bn) from a combination of drug trafficking (€24.2bn), illegal rubbish disposal (€19.6bn), and other activities.

The report is based on analysis of documents from Italy's interior ministry and police, parliament's anti-mafia commission and the national anti-mafia task force. Its activities are believed to involve a workforce of as many as 60,000 people worldwide, the report said.

Extortion and usury last year brought in a substantial €2.9bn, while embezzlement earned the mafia €2.4bn and gambling €1.3bn. Arms sales, prostitution, counterfeiting goods and people-smuggling were less lucrative, bringing in less than €1bn together.

Organisationally, the 'Ndrangheta mafia' has a tight clan structure which has made it famously difficult to penetrate, or to leave?

In terms of business relationships, their negotiation flexibility appears to be limited to offers that tolerate little scope for refusal, and they appear to have very few issues with compliance...

A potential template for NAMs and KAMs everywhere?

DIY Cashback: Thieves dig tunnel to steal from Tesco ATM

Last Friday at Tesco Salford, a gang of some ten thieves who had spent two months digging a 50 ft (15m) tunnel to get into an ATM, got away with £80,000. The raiders tunnelled under nearby wasteland and into the shop. They then escaped back through the tunnel.

As always, running the numbers lends perspective and insight...

Apart from being just 25% of what high end footballers earn in a week, working on the basis of an £8,000 haul each (excluding expenses), one realises that, apart from the fact that austerity is now impacting both sides of the fence, the risk-reward ratio in dealing with the grocery trade is obviously becoming less satisfactory.....

Hat-tip to John Ward

Ingredients of Success?

Inspiration               1%
Perspiration           98%
Attention to detail     2%

Are you making sufficient use of your competition?

A real pity that Youtube have taken the original clip down, but we have found an amended version, a very funny video showing how DHL sent large packages for delivery by their competitors, with the slogan 'DHL delivers faster' prominently displayed on each package, which they filmed on delivery...

Getting it wrong in writing...

pic: Andrew Sullivan

Economic crash...

Source: The Slog

Optimising your next conference call

These conferences call experiences will probably strike a chord...

Given the potential savings on travel time, conference calls are worth getting right so why not check out Seth Godin's seven key principles?

And with a bit of the correct practice, perhaps even worth experimenting on the buyer?

Crossrail London excavations

'Any word on the 0715 to Cheshunt?'

Setting the correct objectives?

Two hunters in the jungle were spotted by a hungry leopard.

One hunter immediately sat down, took a pair of running shoes from his pack and began to put them on. His partner challenged the move saying no one could possibly outrun a leopard, and was answered with:

"I don't have to outrun the leopard. I simply have to run faster than you...."

Taking pleasure at Aldi & Lidl's Irish business model

A new Mickey MacConnell song going the pub-rounds explains the compulsive appeal of the German discounters...

For non-native speakers, the lyrics are given below, courtesy of Noreen @ Mudcat.  Following which the Youtube version below should present only opportunities...  (Thanks Martin)

THE BALLAD OF LIDL AND ALDI
(Mickey MacConnell)

Well the wife she broke her ankle when she tumbled off the bike
Leaving me to do the housework, a job I never liked
And doing the weekly shopping seemed a dreadful chore to me
'Til I discovered LidldiAldi, LidldiAldi LidldiAldi Lidldidee.
Now I just can't wait for Thursdays when the specials go on view
I'm the first man to the trolleys; I'm the first man in the queue
For now I know what women mean about retail therapy
It's LidldiAldi, LidldiAldi LidldiAldi Lidldidee.

Its angle grinders and black puddings and a pot of German jam
A lump of heavy bacon and a wet suit from Japan
And a pack of streaky rashers, a crate of Russian stout
And a portable generator just in case the lights go out
Alloy wheels and windscreen wipers and a bag of Rooster spuds
An inflatable rubber dinghy to help survive the floods
Spanners, sockets and fish fingers, they're so cheap they're damn near free
At LidldiAldi, LidldiAldi, LidldiAldi, Lidldidee.

Now there's welding rods and prime organic beef to make a hearty stew
A hiking staff and spiky boots for climbing Kathmandu
Big heads of curly cabbage to make you eat your fill
Sledgehammers and bananas and a lovely cordless drill
And there's hatchets and hamburgers and there's tins of beans and peas
And a petrol driven chainsaw for cutting bits off trees
Strimmers, sabres, saws and sausages, computers and TVs
At LidldiAldi, LidldiAldi LidldiAldi Lidldidee.

Now the wife has gone ballistic, marriage heading for the rocks
With her crutches and her shopping bag now she's hobbling round the shops
And she's cut up all me credit cards, I'm sad as sad can be
No more Aldi LidldiAldi, no more Lidldidee for me.
For the shed is full of plastic shit I didn't really want
And the gardens full of furniture and the house is full of plants
And I'm living in the doghouse; Rover, Fido, Shep and me
Because of Aldi LidldiAldi LidldiAldi Lidldidee.

So no more angle grinders nor black puddings, no more pots of German jam
No lumps of heavy bacon, no more wet suits from Japan
No packs of streaky rashers, and I'll have to do without
Another portable generator just in case the lights go out
No alloy wheels, no windscreen wipers, no bags of Rooster spuds
No inflatable rubber dinghies to help survive the floods
For I am living in the doghouse I'm as sad as sad can be,
No more Aldi LidldiAldi, no more Lidldidee for me!

Belfast Tesco manager’s eye-watering engagement with shopper…

A fisherman grabbed a Tesco manager by the testicles and refused to let go after being stopped over an £800 shoplifting spree, a court has heard.

It was claimed he went into Tesco Newtownbreda Road on 5 December, took security tags off various goods and put them in bags.

Members of the public had to help release his grip as the victim suffered "extreme pain", prosecutors said....

Up to this point it was not clear if the initiative was opportunistic, or simply an extension of the Tesco £1bn ‘turnaround’ plan in terms of “grabbing management by the balls, and their hearts and minds will follow…”

China thief sends iPhone owner handwritten numbers

The pickpocket is believed to have taken the Apple handset from Zou Bin when they shared a taxi, the Xinhua news agency said.

Zou had nearly 1,000 contact numbers in the device and with no backup copy - like millions of other people around the world - he was more concerned about losing the data than the phone itself, it added.

Given Zou’s business involvement in the pub industry (a tough-guy business in most places), and aping Liam Neeson’s approach in the movie ‘Taken’, Zou’s text to the thief had the desired effect.

"I know you are the man who sat beside me. I can assure you that I will find you," he said in a text message to the thief.

"Look through the contact numbers in my mobile and you will know what trade I am in," he added. "Send me back the phone to the address below if you are sensible."

The thief painstakingly wrote out 11 pages of telephone numbers from the stolen iPhone and sent them and the sim-card to the owner within days…

NAMs outside the pub industry might find it more convenient to back up their phones occasionally…

Alcohol update: the new poitín (poteen) subcategory

How poitín went from illegal moonshine to being sold in Tesco Ireland

Intensive catchup briefing for NAMs:

1. It is one of the most strongly alcoholic drinks on the planet. Homemade poitín can be anywhere between 50 and 90% alcohol by volume vs. average beer 4 to 6% and whiskey 40%. 
2. The first record of it is from the 6th century but it was illegal in Ireland for 300 years and was only legalised in 1997.
3. Purists may not like it but poitín is shedding its reputation as illegal moonshine and is for sale (legally) in shops and pubs around Ireland.

For those without DIY facilities, there are at least five companies in Ireland now selling poitín which can be bought in pubs and off-licences, while London cocktail bar Shebeen is selling eight different types of poitín, including one version made from potatoes in San Francisco. Irish company Coomara Irish Spirits recently made the biggest ever legal shipment of poitín to supermarket chain Tesco, which began stocking the spirit earlier this year.

NB. For those determined to try, the legal version of poitín is 40% and has been granted Geographical Indicative Status by the EU. As you know, this means that in the same way that champagne has to come from a certain area of France and Parmesan cheese can only come from a particular part of Italy, poitín can only come from Ireland.

NAM advice: i.e. Do read the label before you cannot.....
(For more exotic tastes, try Asian Snake Whiskey)

"Phil, about your new taxi-app.........?"

Looks not tips the key to a good table in Paris

For the handful of NAMs that still treat buyer-lunches as a trade investment, latest news from Paris indicate a need for new facial KPIs in making a non-refuse lunch-offer to key buyers...

According to satirical weekly Le Canard Enchaine, it's the quality of diners' looks -- not the size of their tips -- that make the difference at Le Georges, the upmarket restaurant on the top floor of the Pompidou Centre, and the Cafe Marly, which occupies a prime spot within the Louvre museum.

Two waitresses who have recently quit Le Georges told the weekly that they were ordered to sort customers into the good looking and the, ahem, less good looking. Those who made the cut were seated in prominent positions at the front of the restaurant while those who got the thumbs down were ushered off to the back, preferably out of sight.

At the Cafe Marly, the pavement terrace was reportedly declared an ugly-free zone with anyone seeking to reserve by phone systematically told, "We'll do our best but we can't guarantee it," pending a looks appraisal on arrival.

Mobile KamTip:
To bypass the screening process, why not attach a badly lit pic of George Clooney/Sandra Bullock to your mobile request for a down-to-earth table in a spacious corner?

Have a real weekend in unreal times, from the NamNews Team!

Perks of an MP include free snuff...

MPs are being supplied with snuff at taxpayers’ expense, according to an official guide to life in Parliament.

“No, no, Minister, just one pinch per nostril”

Cocktails with aspirations - something special for the weekend?

NB. Large detailed version here

Circular outsourcing?

Source: Kevin Kelly http://kk.org/kk/ Scott Adams was ahead by a whole decade. From Dilbert, August 3, 2003

Baked Bean Heist via lorry-based picking?

Given the brand’s pulling power, combined with consumer click & collect trends, it should be no surprise that thieves decided to dispense with the click and help themselves to 1.5 pallets of Heinz baked beans with sausages ‘off the back of a lorry’ while the driver slept upfront in a layby on the A441 at Cookhill, near Redditch in Worcestershire.

By way of endorsement of the cab’s two-way soundproof qualities, the thieves were able to work undisturbed as they cut a large hole in the side of the white Scania vehicle and helped themselves to 6,400 tins.

"Police are appealing for information, especially about anyone trying to sell large quantities of Heinz baked beans in suspicious circumstances," a force spokesman said.

Hopefully the police have been briefed that it is quite normal for NAMs to spend their days trying to sell large quantities of product, but nonetheless it might be wise to cut down on over-generous multibuys while this one blows over… 

P.S. For those who want to double-check, the product code is 71517000 with an expiry date of 31 March 2015.

A little self-amuse in a long-haul loo...

On your next trip overseas, why not repair to the aircraft rest-room and release your inner artist....?

While on a long-haul flight, when most people would sleep, read a book or chew on complimentary snacks, Nina Katchadourian spends her time locked in the airplane’s lavatory taking 'selfies' in the style of 15th century Flemish paintings...

.  

Details plus ten additional examples here

Thanks to Emma Carlin and Anne Johnstone for link and application